The Breaking Point.

Dude, practice was hard Sunday. I am not sure how much of it was me and how much of it was practice but wow. So here is what happened. Usually Saturday is my rest day and my dumb ass, being the never stop, never rest psycho I can be sometimes decided that rest day = 26 miles worth of bike riding. Umm yeah after a week of 2 a day workouts, I SHOULD have reseted. But it was pretty out and I had errands to run so I rode around town and did them via bike instead of letting my body rest. Then………..Sunday Morning Fit Club. I woke up with my limbs feeling heavy. I immediately regretted skipping my rest day. I pushed through an hour of fit club workout in the sand, went back to the club for a recovery shake and then Wrecky picked me up for sunday Scrimmage with ACDG.

Oh boy, by the time I got to the warehouse I knew I was in trouble. I downed some H30 and prepare and a lift off and hoped for the best. I felt slow during scrimmage and made some sloppy mistakes. As we finished up our full bouts worth of scrimmage it was 1:30 and I thought “OhThankGodItsOverIamGoingToFallOver” and then Shiv says “ok ladies we have 30 minutes left, we will do falls and sprawls for 30 minutes.” My heat sank and I honestly wasnt sure if my body was going to make it through. Immediately my brain goes “run. leave. you cant do this. you wont make for 30 minutes. Make an excuse and leave” I contemplate it for a split second and then realize that was the dumbest idea ever, I cant just LEAVE practice, lol. SO we start into falls and sprawls, sprinting across the warehouse, throwing ourselves willingly onto the floor, pushing ourselves back up and sprinting back across the ware house only to throw ourselves down and get back up and do it again. Sets 2, then of 4, then of 6. After the set of 6, and what felt like an eternity, I look at the clock and realize we are only 5 minutes into the 30 minute endurance session and my body goes weak while my brain goes into panic mode. “There is NO WAY you can finish another 25 minutes,” my brain tells me. My body is like lead. But i continue. Sprint, sprawl, get up, sprint, sprawl, get up. All the while my brain telling me “you cant do this. you wont make it. You arent strong enough, you are out of gas. just leave.” After our set of 8 I finish my final sprawl as my partner sets out to do her set of 8.  I dont get up. My head against the concrete, I cant even feel my body, my mind screaming at me. I start to cry. I cry because its hard. I cry because I feel like I cant do it. I cry because in my heart I know I will never stop, never actually give up. I cry becuase unless I were to collapse and DIE, I will continue until we finish all 30 minutes. In that 20 seconds of tears my brain surrenders. My will power to not give up over powers that stupid sabotaging voice in my head and it subsides. It was so weird but once I let it out, the tears, the frustration, the acceptance that it was fucking hard but I was going to finish my brain stopped pestering me. I dragged on through sets of 10, 12, sprint, fall, get up sprint, fall, get up. My brain silent, my body pushing through the motions completely emotionless, not longer threatening to bolt. 14, 16, and finally a set of 18 falls and sprawls. We are done.

As we finish I realize how true it is that the body will go so much farther than the mind will let us believe it can. I saw a quote that said, “you are only using 15% of your actual athletic potential.” I think this is true. The mind is a tricky machine. It tells us things that we assume are true because they come from with in us.

But that moment when I broke, the point where emotion meets will power. Those are the moments where what is perceived is shattered and taken over by whats possible. We encounter this a lot with weight loss, smoking, drinking, any kind of addition. Its the point where your desire for something (rest, booze, food, cigarettes, sex, an ex or whatever) is shut down by your will for something new. A new possibility. A new future. Once you reach that pivotal moment you have two options. You can shrink back into who you were, repeat old patterns. Give in to what you dont really want. Maybe you want it for the moment but you dont really want it because its not in line with what your want for your life.  If you do it, if you go for that smoke or that piece of pizza in the fridge, call that ex, or sit on the couch instead of hitting the gym, whats possible from that choice is nothing. It will inevitably lead to more of what you’ve had before, more of the same, more of the past. To create a new future, you have to stretch yourself past the point of what is known, past the point of the old patterns. And once you do, once you reach that breaking point and bust through it, you realize that on the other side is breathing room.

 

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